Falling for a fantasy
Lately I’ve been feeling a little bit nostalgic and quite a bit softer than normal. I’m not sure if I’ve actually met the person that has crept into my dreams these past couple of weeks or if he’s a mash up of all the things I’ve liked from past loves, maybe he’s a whole new creature that is neither of those things. It could very well be wine mixed with the twinkling lights and my holiday playlist that is bringing out a little bit of regret, memories of missed opportunities and some long buried feeling of actually wanting someone in my life.
It’s been a very long time since I felt like something (or someone) was missing and I don’t generally tend to get all wrapped up in emotions and fantasies but this time there’s something different, almost like my subconscious is telling me I’m ready to make room in my life for more.
Now reality tells me I’m crazy, I don’t have time for this “more” I’m dreaming about but if I add some liquid merriment and the holiday atmosphere coupled with a little Mariah Carey or Wham to my day and it seems to turn into some sort of intoxicating love potion of delusion.
The dreams are so realistic that my heart actually aches a bit when my mind wanders back to my dreams and this mystery man.
I don’t know who he is, I don’t think, but I do know that he’s kind, strong and brings out a happiness I’ve not felt in years.
I’ve dated casually over the years, but for the most part remained devoid of emotion, never feeling anyone was worth the effort they required.
Is the mystery man in my dreams trying to tell me it’s time to let go of all the baggage and start fresh? Am I ready to abandon all of my trust issues and allow myself to feel something?
Probably not, but I would like to meet this person who has me entertaining the thought of sharing my life with someone again.