Just not my cup of tea

We all have that one guy who looks great on paper but there’s something missing. No matter how hard you try to create the spark you just feel nothing and it’s frustrating as hell.

I met “tea and puzzles” a few years ago, ironically out of spite. He was never supposed to even be on my radar but I was angry and hurt so I did something silly and tea and puzzles was the apparent “silver lining” if you will.

Right out of the gate he was everything any woman would want, on paper. You know the type that checks all the wish list boxes:

  • Attractive, like sexy AF attractive
  • Fit, works out and plays sports
  • Educated, with actual useful degrees that translate into gainful employment, in the field of study!
  • Out of town for work a lot (maybe not a plus for everyone but it’s a huge selling feature for me)
  • Never married/ no kids/ no local family (relax, it’s just easier, not an actual wish list item)
  • Easy to talk to

but it’s just not quite enough, there’s no spark, no passion, there’s just tea and puzzles. *snore*

I’ve tried on and off over the years since we met to feel something, anything with this one, thinking that maybe I just wasn’t in the right place or maybe I didn’t give him a fair shot (totally unlike me I know), and there’s still just a whole lot of nothing.

He’s always available when I call and always seems to be free when I want to see him so there’s the first problem- maybe he should turn me down once or twice, make me work for it. That works right? I mean I turn him down 98% of the time he texts or calls- ya, he’s also a caller. I don’t know about you but I don’t use my phone for that so…

He got a bit irritated with me when I was never available but really what am I making myself available for? He never wants to go out, I’ve tried inviting him to things and he always says, “I’m not really into it, but swing by my place when you’re done.” Yup, that right there is probably the issue. I know why he wants me to swing by when I’m done, and there have been times when I’ve had one too many glasses of wine and ended up outside his building because I couldn’t drive home, but even in those moments of wine induced clouds of desire I still could not do it!

Maybe because he’s sitting in his old man sweater doing a jigsaw puzzle asking me if I want a cup of tea and i kind of feel like I just walked into my Nana’s place for a Sunday afternoon visit, which would be comforting and make me happy – IF I WERE ACTUALLY VISITING NANA!

I need a little more excitement, not a lot of excitement, I don’t need or want to be wined and dined, most of the time I barely want to go out. Netflix and chill is perfectly acceptable to me but this guy doesn’t even have a Netflix account! What is he, some sort of psycho? I just can’t get behind the tea and puzzles and the occasional offer to read to me. Ya, you read that right. He says he wants to read to me like it’s supposed to get me all hot and bothered. I try not to judge, maybe that works for some people, I mean I like that he reads, I like reading, but puh-lease under no circumstances ever read to me, I just don’t have that kind of patience or attention span.

So after just over 3 years of very sporadic on again off again, messed up text messages and the ever waning possibility that I’d ever end up on his doorstep after I’ve had too much to drink again some day I finally deleted his number from my phone in November after not seeing him for months and a sudden string of rather desperate messages from him asking me to come see him. “I’ll text you when I’m back from California.” I told him in our last exchange, and that was it. I never did text him, just deleted his deets from my phone and moved on. (After writing this post.)

Tea and Puzzles is no longer, and now we really need to get Uber in Vancouver because I don’t have my ladies night out/ drinks after work crash pad anymore.

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Professional communicator by day for a large international organization, freelance writer and content creator by night. Jennifer is living her best single life in the suburbs of Vancouver. Navigating dating in an online world that is breeding a hook-up culture that doesn't know how to handle a woman who already knows what she doesn't want. She shares her stories of dates gone wrong and the various life choices that led her this point in time.

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