I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I was unraveling at the seams and fast. The date was set, we (I) had already chosen a venue, my dress was ready for my final fitting.
This past weekend I attended a party that now I’m kind of wishing I hadn’t. I was invited over a month ago and at the time even though I was super hesitant about saying yes, the person doing the inviting was important to me so I did say yes. As the date drew nearer I was having second thoughts but he said he wanted me to be there so I wrangled a friend into going with me and I showed up
If you’re single you’re viewed as being flawed or damaged in someway. You get the constant, “Oh, you’re still single.” accompanied by the pity smile every time you head to an event solo. Maybe you come from a family who can’t deal with your single-ness and every family gathering turns into a discussion about how you aren’t getting any younger and you need to find a good man before you loose your looks and no one wants you anymore.
I have many issues, I don’t trust easily and it can take me months before I’ll let my guard down even a little. Like pretty much anyone else in the world who has ever been on a date I’ve been hurt, I’ve been used and I’ve been let down.
I apparently have a “type”. Not that I’m saying all men are the same but the ones I meet kind of are.
Everyone is making their New Years resolutions and asking what mine are… I don’t really have any. Not because I’m fabulous and have no need to improve myself but because I don’t believe in resolutions. I never really have. I don’t need the calendar to reset for me to keep moving forward and working on myself and striving to reach new goals and milestones.
It seems that the one time of year where stress levels sore is the holidays. It makes sense I suppose with the endless to do list, gifts to buy and countless invitations to parties and events. Sometimes it seems there’s not enough hours in the day not enough money in your bank account.